Water

Today feels good.

Thoughts are floating in with hope, clarity and possibility.

I am taking action and doing small things that feel good, like breathing exercises.

Like choosing sparkling water in a glass bottle instead of milky sugary coffee in a plastic bottle.

Like focusing on the good and the feeling of sunshine on my skin.

Like being soft and curious with myself.

Like saying yes.

Yes to myself out loud in the car.

Yes to things that feel nice.

For a moment feeling courageous and willing and welcoming the vulnerability.

As I write, I am still fasting, it’s been 13 hours and that is better then yesterday.

So a small but glorious win.

I have this very small voice whispering. Saying what if today was the first day of an extended fast?

What if I could leverage this new clean slate into something fabulous?

Part of me wants to say yes. And say it loudly and boldly. Declare to myself and the universe that I am going to complete a forty day water fast and it’s going to be fabulous.

But even as these words form sentences, I feel the fear rise up. Don’t say that!!

Don’t be so stupid. It will end badly in failure just like Monday’s grand and glorious declaration! The inner gremlins start to grow in number and build momentum.

Making a decision feels vulnerable. It feels scary in the light of so much failure. Letting things flow feels easy, if I fast for 14 hours then it’s a win! If I fast a day it’s a win. And if I fasted 40 days, that would be a win as well. But frustratingly, it doesn’t feel enough.

This is the conundrum. Everyone and even examples in my own life confirm that fortune favours the bold and the power of decision is brilliant and life changing and truly fabulous!

And yet, from my own experience my decisions, not all, but the ones relating to extended fasting and my eating, often end in me feeling disappointed and scared.

Why don’t these decisions stick? Why am I so weak? What can I learn? Why am I so quick to make a different decision the moment that decision makes me feel bad or uncomfortable.

I guess that’s it. I make the decisions in a good state, and when that state leaves. I am left stranded unable to stay strong. Mentally and physically weakened by the pain as discomfort of change.

Finding relief and feeling good now, seems to be the strongest most unavoidable truth of my being!!!!

The issue is that short term relief comes at a long term cost! A big cost too!

So how can I make drinking water and staying true to my desire to fast feel better then sugar, carbs and alcohol? More specifically, how can I make fasting feel better then chocolate mousse, Big Macs, pizza and a French Martini?

I don’t want to live in pain and denial. I want to change the story, the meaning, the feelings inside.

I want fasting to feel like a treat.

I want fasting to give me relief in the now.

I want fasting to feel like a yes!

I want fasting to feel fun!

I want fasting to feel luxurious!

I want fasting to feel delightful.

Maybe that’s the real decision I need to make!? Not that I will fast for forty days…. I want to make that too!

But… maybe I need to make the Decision that fasting Feels fabulous! I know mentally and with science… that it IS fabulous! Great for the brain, immune system, hormones, longevity… it is one of the BEST things for the body!

BUT, it doesn’t often feel that way. It often feels like deprivation, punishment, like a No, like pain and suffering!

Ok! Yes! That’s the decision I am going to make today.

I am going to make it that Fasting Feels Fabulous! May fortune favour that! May my subconscious work to prove that and make it so!

Wild horses couldn’t stop me fasting for forty days… if it felt fabulous! Felt like a treasure being revealed from within. Felt like a luxurious treat for the willing. Felt like an awe inspiring gift from the gods!

I had no idea I would get to this perspective while writing! I am delighted that I spoke to my Shame gremlins and did not hide… what a truly fabulous insight I have made!

Thank You courageous, hopeful small voice!

This is my mission today! To allow fasting to FEEL fabulous! And luxurious! And delightful! And revealing! And uplifting! And inspiring!

How will I do this? No idea!

But that’s the magic of decision. The path… if in alignment… will be revealed. And if not… I’ll be back to the drawing board tomorrow! 🙂

Fingers Crossed!