Messy

It seems that my one perfect day yesterday squeezed every ounce of willpower I had. And I am delighted! It was awesome! Despite having a big day and really wanting to eat in my fasting window… I stayed strong.

While driving past drive throughs, I looked at the trees across the road and listened to my theme songs.

It was a rough day where I really needed to dig deep to find alignment. On its own… the day was emotionally exhausting and the added fast just made it a gigantic day!

So today, I awakened exhausted and feeling broken. Dreams of coffee were strong and present before I even opened my eyes. There was no certainty, momentum or strength.

Just a worn out tired body with a mind equally exhausted and scattered.

But I was able to easily and effortlessly make porridge for the children! Because that is a Habit! That is the power of automaticity and what the body is capable of. That is where I am going to get with my green smoothie, almond mylk and coconut wrap breakfast. I can see the potential.

I know it is possible to eat that way, to be that woman!

But I am not there today.

So as I surrendered to the hot water of my shower I tried to find some middle ground! No throwing in the towel today!

How can I be authentic and honour my truth today, while still having hope and working towards a brighter future?

So, my brain reluctantly complied and found an answer.

The answer was simple. Alternate days!

One perfect day… and one messy day where I regroup and prepare for the next perfect day.

And on my messy day… I can still do heaps of great things! Like eat only breakfast, fast for 23 hours, do my Wonder Woman pose, visualise, get jiggy with my theme songs, enjoy my affirmations and pre-pave the next outstanding day.

So that’s what I am doing. One day raw vegan Omad, one day eat anything Omad… until the days doing raw vegan Omad just keep flowing and become habitual!!

The outcome has stayed the same… I just need to keep readjusting my strategy until I find alignment and momentum.

I am glad I didn’t say, I’d start again tomorrow!

I am glad I decided, I would do my best today and face the truth that my best today isn’t what I want to do or the way I want to live. But habits have been formed, momentum has been made(in the wrong direction) from decades of habitual food habits. So I need to do my best and be ok that my best isn’t really great at all, but nonetheless it is where I am.

It’s hard. It’s scary to struggle so much with something that seems so simple. Just don’t eat that… and eat this instead.

But simple is not easy. And muscles don’t happen with a click of my fingers… and annoyingly, neither do habits and life changes!

But slowly I can rewrite my brain and condition my body to eat what is in alignment with my values!

The turtle is back… and thats ok!