Enough

What is good enough?

This is a new question I ask myself.

In the past, it was about what’s the best, what’s the ideal.

I have discovered that trying to do the best or do what is ideal, is rather exhausting. And it seems to murder happiness and contentment.

My admiration for perfection did not disappear in an epiphany, nor did it surrender in a moment of exhaustion and pain.

No, despite the truth of cliches like “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good” and “done is better then perfect.”

And despite the consistent feelings of failure that was feeding a growing fear that I simply wasn’t great … at anything.

The perfectionist inside just hunkered down and demanded I do better and be better. She was unrelenting in her hunt for the ideal. For my life to be the mirror image of beautiful visions and dreams that grace my mind.

No my perfectionist did not relinquish control, even when my weight sky rocketed to 110kg and depression was a daily battle.

She never wanted to let go of control.

And sadly, despite strong efforts, I could not murder her either, nor send her packing.

No matter how hard I would try, she would sneak back in through a secret door only she had the key too.

But slowly over the last two years, I have found a beautiful home for my perfectionist.

She is my North Star.

She brings light, energy and enthusiasm to possibilities and potentials. She dreams big glorious fun dreams.

She consistently collects data and figures out what would be best for me and what is ideal.

She advocates for my inspiration and for doing things that feel fabulous and enlightening.

She knows when I need to exercise and my optimal daily self care habits.

She knows what I am capable of and all the growth I seek.

But she is not in charge of my daily schedule, for she is extremely ungrounded and has no perception of time, budgets, reality, the need for sleep or daily life struggles of being a human in the 21st Century.

She is pure unbounded potential.

Now, that she has her rightful place in my life. And that we have established some healthy life affirming boundaries. And I am no longer trying to evict her from my mind… we get along very well!

My present self is free to be good enough. I am free to be guided and inspired by my North Star, but there is no demand that I embody this potential in this red hot minute.

Day by day, I feel that I align more and more to the potential she adores so much.

And that is ok. It is rather beautiful. Like a flower learning to blossom.

I am starting to get a sense that even when I embody everything she dreams for me now, she will still be far off into the future, far out on the leading edge of our expanding existence. And out there, she will still be my bright beautiful North Star dreaming more dreams for what lays beyond…

It’s an endless journey of expansion and potential. And that is beautiful.

She can be the boundless potential me, my own North Star.

And I can be here, managing my reality, time, energy and budget, while still being good enough, happy enough, inspired enough, grateful enough to enjoy living my imperfect beautiful life of growth and change!

 

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Today’s Raw Vegan OMAD Breakfast was:

  1. Kale, mint and lemon blender juice
  2. Coconut wrap with tomato, tahini and rocket
  3. Chocolate Açai Maca Hemp Seep Almond mylk smoothie
  4. Freshly made almond mylk with a banana and raw vegan spirulina granola
  5. Chromium tablet, St. John’s wart and a liver helping herbal tablet.