And now I am back to zero. It was as if I had been dreaming of coffee all night. I awakened and the decision had been made. Before I realised, coffee had already been devoured and enjoyed.

The decision to enjoy coffee tomorrow has been made too.

And that’s ok. Because this week I have had two Gold Star days! I have had two days where I practiced my morning ritual of making a smoothie and weighing my food. Twice, I practiced fasting 23 hours a day. I practiced being present with cravings without acting on them. For two days I strengthened my will power muscles. And that is progress, because the week before it was zero days.

I know the way I feel effects my future. I know if I shame myself about my lack of alignment; a sidestep, a back step can effortlessly transform into a landslide.

So this is why even on Day Zero days I will write. Because I dream of a future where my food habits are as effortless as my daily shower. But currently they are not effortless and that’s ok. Because this is my area of growth and I feel it is just as important to engage in transparent conversations about when we are off our dream path as it is when we are on our dream paths. And both of these conversations can be joyful. For perfection is really not the goal. Progress is!

Today, I really acknowledged that I struggle with going sugar free because I feel like I am a kinder more patient mother when I have coffee and sugar. So, for the first time, I was really able to be present with what feels like very conflicting mutually exclusive desires. On one hand I want to be a healthy mum and be a positive role model of long term wellbeing. And on the other hand I want to be kind, patient and loving today… and that becomes near impossible when I am giving up sugar and fasting.

So I need to brainstorm and find ways to to heal this rift. How can I be kind, loving and patient while detoxing and adjusting to life without sugar and fasting?

The simple answer is to go slow. Or at least slower. I am scared if I go slow, I’ll never reach the goal. But I am pretty sure that is a fake fear.

So, as I take it slow in my Day Zero days, I will try and find a slower plan, that still honours my need for wellbeing progress and my need to be a kind, patient and loving Mum!